A Letter to the Sisters in my Life

I’ve been feeling the winds of change this year. Life is rearranging, and for a while it felt like it was cracking me into a million pieces. It’s in these times of intense re-discovery where I have felt the upmost unconditional love. 

Years of my 20s were spent in surface level relationships. Full range. From wanting to network with the “right” people who could propel me forward, to choosing people who needed me more than I needed them so I would always be reminded of my value and never be alone.

These patterns were based in protection and scarcity.  Jaded from past scars of betrayal, envy, and secrecy, I spent years guarding my heart, specifically from female friendships. (Because… how could someone possibly understand the depth of my being and meet me in that space?) So as warm as my exterior remained, the *no new friends* attitude was blaze at my core. I was comfortable here.

For a while I convinced myself that friendships and relationships should be easy. Inside though, I knew I craved being met on a deeper level. In this void, I began setting this intention before I knew what it fully meant: Great spirit, show me more members of my soul family. 

If you know me personally, you probably know I don’t stay in my comfort zone for long. Part of my shadow has been that  I don’t take advice well and I’m not good at asking for help. Along the way far and from any place I called home, I fell in with new friends who a shared love for spiritual growth. We each arrived in the foothills of the Himalayas with our own baggage, meeting one another as we were. Some dealing with heartbreak, others with health, others with grief, all with a shared love for facing life head on. Nothing about this was easy. There was no hiding from the mirrors we held up for one another.  

In the yoga halls high above the buzz of Rishikesh, years of stopped up emotion drained out of me Painful forgotten memories resurfaced as my heart opened. Fully. Completely. As I looked up through my teary eyes, I was surrounded by unwavering support. These were people were strangers to me a month ago, and I was letting them see it all. Years of fearing being “too much” and maintaining my independent nature… for what?

What is fulfillment if not sharing the raw human experience with another?

What is connection without sharing the depth of your heart with another?

You find your people when you show up fully. Raw heart expression in full force.

I started to re-meet a part of myself I had lost touch with a long time ago. She was creative, she was in flow. Downloads and insights were coming in at the speed of light. Little did I know how much this would shake up my life in the months to come.

I’ve harnessed lots of my fire during this decade. It was this dimension of myself that I leaned into after my power was taken from me. Fire cultivated my strength and showed me how to actualize my immense, limitless power. It taught me the balance of divine timing and gracefully initiated me into the ways of the peaceful warrior. It has served me so well.

But I am not only fire. My restless, creative soul also dances freely with the wind, and my timeless spirit dwells in the depth of water. Although I am not constituted with much earth, I am honored to humbly worship the natural beauty of this planet. To listen to the secrets of the mountains. The rocks, holding the memories that came well before us. 

I am in a season of great change. I’m not sure I could have imagined the trails I would now be blazing. This year has been the most challenging and most beautiful year of my life. And amidst these great changes, for the first time I’ve began confiding in friendships to help guide me. No one has told me to play it safe. Each and every sister has told me to follow the heart. Even when it makes no logical sense. And in this, I feel so seen.

So I offer you this~

Share your heart

Be your unfiltered self

Express those parts of you that you find hard to love

Watch who triggers you, what are they reflecting back to you

Can you accept these qualities in yourself? 

All of the cracks in your heart are there to allow more light to pour in. 

-

To my long time gals, Alejandra, Dakota, Julianne

My newfound friendships, Kate and Loren

To my blood sister Hallie.

And the many other sisters I’ve yet to meet in this lifetime ~

My boundless, wild soul is so blessed to know you. 

Thank you for showing me what it means to be nurtured, to be held in true friendship, and for showing up for me so fiercely. For seeing through my tough skin and showing me that it is safe to feel the support of sisterhood. 

 I am so honored to walk this path with you. 

All my love.